I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

“I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's…”

“If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out le…”

“The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is:God…”

“Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.”