The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy …”

“If life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators dead.”

“For 3 days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but the phone call…”

“Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.”