Ah, Milk Duds. The official candy of pissed-off fat women everywhere

“Dear God, there couldn't be a single thing more humiliating in this entire worl…”

“A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took a…”

“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves…”

“I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about…”