There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

“Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours of…”

“And just like that, as if I hadn't said anything at all, the ladies sprang into…”

“I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for …”

“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself mo…”