I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.


“I make love like farm equipment—not to farm equipment. There is a difference, t…”

“Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
”

“I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!
”

“I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your par…”