Dear Teens at Starbucks wearing 'Abstain from Sex 2 Attain Ur Goals' t-shirts: Doesn't it depend on what my goals are?

“Right, except I'm not going to lie to my mom, because what kind of bastard lies…”

“I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple …”

“That's why people grow weary of listening to Dumpees obsess over their troubles…”

“How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!" to a margin note written in her loo…”